And The Judges Agree!
Just fresh off of looking at this photo album on celebrity styles, I thought I might go ahead and plant my two cents on their choices of dress. First up to bat is my favorite two twins to poke fun at, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen:
Undoubtedly, these girls must have mixed up their formal dresses with their Halloween costumes. That red lipstick is just plain unnatural. Little known factoid about these girls is that they were actually created in a laboratory by TV-loving scientists determined to make the perfect child star that would go on to have an acting career as an adult. However, they didn’t use the conventional test tube baby making method and invented their own variation on that formula they affectionately call the “TV tube baby” formula. Due to complications, however, the tube was split by a laser in a laboratory freak accident and twins were developed. Fortunately, their TV test experiment, known to most people as “Full House,” was a huge success spawning their own franchise and fan base. Now, at the age of 20, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, also known to top secret officials as Project Child Star, are still running strong and set to outdo fellow child star experiment, Project Starboy. We know this experiment by his more common name, Elijah Wood.
In the above photograph, we see the twins testing their hypnotic effect on their fans by wearing ghastly dresses and clashing red lipstick. The anonymous scientists working on their experiment hypothesized that the majority of their fan base would not object to their choice of dressing. However, studies showed that 25% of Olsen twin fans defected and contemplated leaving the fandom. They changed their minds and came back though when they saw this photograph of Jessica and Ashley Simpson:
Ashlee (right), in preparation for this photo shoot, ditched her usual punkish pop princess get-up to try on an Oscars costume she’d borrowed from Jennifer Lopez. “I want my fans to see me in a different light,” Ashlee said in a statement made prior to the shooting. She changed her mind afterward, though, when she saw that her hair combed back and died blond brought unnecessary attention to her rare case of elephantitis of the forehead. Alternately, Jessica Simpson’s (left) dress is inspired by her recent obsession for the lifestyle of a farmer’s wife. “Ah’m even practicin’ thuh southurn stahl of speakin’ so’s ah kin make an impression on any strappin’ young cowboah’s y’all math know of in this here county,” Jessica said.
Pop singer brothers Nick (right) and Aaron (left) Carter are seen here in front of a billboard advertisement for X-Lax. Their lawyers asked kindly that the X part of the title be cropped out to make the background appear more obscure so as not to cause the brothers any humiliation. Deciding that his cross-shaped necklace wasn’t enough of an eye-grabber, Aaron decided to glue sandpaper to his chin and rip it off wax-job style. Interviewers were too amused by his appearance to think straight long enough to get a straight statement from him, but Aaron’s older brother Nick stayed for an interview after the hysteria died down. Only a few years ago, it was hard for me to pick up dates at parties by saying I was just another member of the Backstreet Boys,” Nick said. “Now, while I’m working on my own solo career, I decided to follow in Aaron’s footsteps to bring more attention to myself. The only difference is that my choice of sandpaper is more skin-colored.”
Haylie (left) and Hillary Duff (right) are seen here at a night party in semi-twin black dresses they bought for cheap at a nearby funeral home. When asked about her hair change, Hilary said “I dyed my hair brown just for tonight so I could sneak into this party hard to recognize and smack that hussy Lindsay Lohan.” Her lesser known older sister, Haylie, tagged along as a chauffeur and didn’t expect much from the evening, but said that she was flattered when a bar patron asked if she was “that chick from ‘Alias.’” In response, she held up her large bracelet and retorted with “No, I’m that chick from ‘Witchblade’ and I’m still angry from getting cancelled.”
Undoubtedly, these girls must have mixed up their formal dresses with their Halloween costumes. That red lipstick is just plain unnatural. Little known factoid about these girls is that they were actually created in a laboratory by TV-loving scientists determined to make the perfect child star that would go on to have an acting career as an adult. However, they didn’t use the conventional test tube baby making method and invented their own variation on that formula they affectionately call the “TV tube baby” formula. Due to complications, however, the tube was split by a laser in a laboratory freak accident and twins were developed. Fortunately, their TV test experiment, known to most people as “Full House,” was a huge success spawning their own franchise and fan base. Now, at the age of 20, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, also known to top secret officials as Project Child Star, are still running strong and set to outdo fellow child star experiment, Project Starboy. We know this experiment by his more common name, Elijah Wood.
In the above photograph, we see the twins testing their hypnotic effect on their fans by wearing ghastly dresses and clashing red lipstick. The anonymous scientists working on their experiment hypothesized that the majority of their fan base would not object to their choice of dressing. However, studies showed that 25% of Olsen twin fans defected and contemplated leaving the fandom. They changed their minds and came back though when they saw this photograph of Jessica and Ashley Simpson:
Ashlee (right), in preparation for this photo shoot, ditched her usual punkish pop princess get-up to try on an Oscars costume she’d borrowed from Jennifer Lopez. “I want my fans to see me in a different light,” Ashlee said in a statement made prior to the shooting. She changed her mind afterward, though, when she saw that her hair combed back and died blond brought unnecessary attention to her rare case of elephantitis of the forehead. Alternately, Jessica Simpson’s (left) dress is inspired by her recent obsession for the lifestyle of a farmer’s wife. “Ah’m even practicin’ thuh southurn stahl of speakin’ so’s ah kin make an impression on any strappin’ young cowboah’s y’all math know of in this here county,” Jessica said.
Pop singer brothers Nick (right) and Aaron (left) Carter are seen here in front of a billboard advertisement for X-Lax. Their lawyers asked kindly that the X part of the title be cropped out to make the background appear more obscure so as not to cause the brothers any humiliation. Deciding that his cross-shaped necklace wasn’t enough of an eye-grabber, Aaron decided to glue sandpaper to his chin and rip it off wax-job style. Interviewers were too amused by his appearance to think straight long enough to get a straight statement from him, but Aaron’s older brother Nick stayed for an interview after the hysteria died down. Only a few years ago, it was hard for me to pick up dates at parties by saying I was just another member of the Backstreet Boys,” Nick said. “Now, while I’m working on my own solo career, I decided to follow in Aaron’s footsteps to bring more attention to myself. The only difference is that my choice of sandpaper is more skin-colored.”
Haylie (left) and Hillary Duff (right) are seen here at a night party in semi-twin black dresses they bought for cheap at a nearby funeral home. When asked about her hair change, Hilary said “I dyed my hair brown just for tonight so I could sneak into this party hard to recognize and smack that hussy Lindsay Lohan.” Her lesser known older sister, Haylie, tagged along as a chauffeur and didn’t expect much from the evening, but said that she was flattered when a bar patron asked if she was “that chick from ‘Alias.’” In response, she held up her large bracelet and retorted with “No, I’m that chick from ‘Witchblade’ and I’m still angry from getting cancelled.”
posted by Jaimetud at 4:40 PM
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