Murder, robbery and tits makes a happy afternoon.
What happens when you spend weeks trying to download “Cabin Fever” and you wind up downloading pornos every time? Life rewards you for your efforts with a pleasant surprise. Sadly, I did not get to watch “Cabin Fever” as I’d hoped. Instead, it turned out to be “Wild Things 2,” the straight to video sequel of “Wild Things.” I’ve never seen the first “Wild Things” as I hadn’t quite cared to see it, but I thought it had a good enough plot that was easy to follow.
The story begins with this hot college gal named Britney Havers. She’s gone from being a poor trailer trash girl from the Florida Everglades to being the filthy rich girl that everyone wants to be after her mother married a multimillionaire and as it just so happens died a year ago. But that’s ok because Britney now has money and all the friends in the world. Except for Maya King, the bitchy head of the school newspaper who wants to dig up dirt on Britney as much as possible. Then suddenly, Britney’s multimillionaire stepfather dies in a tragic plane crash and as it turns out, none of the money has been willed to Britney and the money is to go to the first blood relative that they find. And that blood relative happens to be…MAYA KING!
And so a huge legal battle in court happens and Maya takes a blood test and WHAMMO! She is now to receive 69-70 million dollars. But how did this happen? How could she have turned out to be the millionaire’s daughter? That’s right folks, major plot twist! Britney Havers and Maya King are secretly a couple of hot young lesbian lovers/murderers who want in on the stepfather’s money. And the doctor who did the DNA test, Julian Haynes, is in on it too! And just as the plot starts thickening, the producer’s decided to throw him into the sex scene too, making them transsexual murderous lovers.
So they think they’ve got it in the bag and that all the money will come to them, when suddenly a nosy insurance agent starts squeezing the good doctor, who as we soon find out, isn’t really a doctor at all! Sort of a poor plot twist there, but Which makes us wonder how he keeps the job in the hospital. And Julian’s getting nervous, so the two gals murder him and toss his body in the swamp for the gators to eat. So all is quiet on the western front and it looks like they’re going to get their money when SUDDENLY (gasp) the insurance guy catches up with them and tells them that he wants in. Another plot twist!
And the next plot twist occurs when Britney decides to murder Maya just to show how far she’ll go for all that money. Now it’s just her and the insurance guy. But that’s not all! She ditches the insurance guy and leaves him as a scapegoat for all their crimes! Finally, rich and lonely at last, she decides to fly away on her private jet when ANOTHER PLOT TWIST HAPPENS! The stepfather is still alive! He just faked his death so that he and his daughter could escape the mafia and go live in retirement in some remote location! Wow, that’s just creepy how that works out.
And if that’s not enough plot twists for you, here’s another one. Britney kills her stepfather so that she and her mother, WHO ALSO CHEATED DEATH, can live in peace for the rest of their lives. Woooooooowwwwwwww! That’s sure a lot of plot twisting there. And if you need to have any little plot bits re-explained to you, the film does just that during the credits by playing back past scenes they hadn’t showed yet “Pulp Fiction” style to show who was really on who’s side and all that. But the writers, I guess, decided that they didn’t have enough twists yet. So they tossed one more in at the very end. Britney poisons her mother so that she can get all the money. Damn, that really sucks how that turns out. You’ve waited around for a year for the perfect robbery, you think you’re in the green and suddenly your own kid poisons you.
That’s 8 plot twists for ya folks. Go back and count’em. 8 plot twists. All in all, the film did a fine job of having plenty of twists, enough thrill and several sets of really nice boobs. All things considered, they should fire the gang that makes all the Bourne movies and hire these straight to video writers for some spy flicks. I mean, come on. Who wouldn’t want to see a spy flick with sinister gals and nice breasts? That’s why thirteen year olds go to see Bond movies anyway, to see hot gals in bikinis. They might as well raise the bar in a different set of flicks and raise the bar for us older, somewhat more mature folks.
The story begins with this hot college gal named Britney Havers. She’s gone from being a poor trailer trash girl from the Florida Everglades to being the filthy rich girl that everyone wants to be after her mother married a multimillionaire and as it just so happens died a year ago. But that’s ok because Britney now has money and all the friends in the world. Except for Maya King, the bitchy head of the school newspaper who wants to dig up dirt on Britney as much as possible. Then suddenly, Britney’s multimillionaire stepfather dies in a tragic plane crash and as it turns out, none of the money has been willed to Britney and the money is to go to the first blood relative that they find. And that blood relative happens to be…MAYA KING!
And so a huge legal battle in court happens and Maya takes a blood test and WHAMMO! She is now to receive 69-70 million dollars. But how did this happen? How could she have turned out to be the millionaire’s daughter? That’s right folks, major plot twist! Britney Havers and Maya King are secretly a couple of hot young lesbian lovers/murderers who want in on the stepfather’s money. And the doctor who did the DNA test, Julian Haynes, is in on it too! And just as the plot starts thickening, the producer’s decided to throw him into the sex scene too, making them transsexual murderous lovers.
So they think they’ve got it in the bag and that all the money will come to them, when suddenly a nosy insurance agent starts squeezing the good doctor, who as we soon find out, isn’t really a doctor at all! Sort of a poor plot twist there, but Which makes us wonder how he keeps the job in the hospital. And Julian’s getting nervous, so the two gals murder him and toss his body in the swamp for the gators to eat. So all is quiet on the western front and it looks like they’re going to get their money when SUDDENLY (gasp) the insurance guy catches up with them and tells them that he wants in. Another plot twist!
And the next plot twist occurs when Britney decides to murder Maya just to show how far she’ll go for all that money. Now it’s just her and the insurance guy. But that’s not all! She ditches the insurance guy and leaves him as a scapegoat for all their crimes! Finally, rich and lonely at last, she decides to fly away on her private jet when ANOTHER PLOT TWIST HAPPENS! The stepfather is still alive! He just faked his death so that he and his daughter could escape the mafia and go live in retirement in some remote location! Wow, that’s just creepy how that works out.
And if that’s not enough plot twists for you, here’s another one. Britney kills her stepfather so that she and her mother, WHO ALSO CHEATED DEATH, can live in peace for the rest of their lives. Woooooooowwwwwwww! That’s sure a lot of plot twisting there. And if you need to have any little plot bits re-explained to you, the film does just that during the credits by playing back past scenes they hadn’t showed yet “Pulp Fiction” style to show who was really on who’s side and all that. But the writers, I guess, decided that they didn’t have enough twists yet. So they tossed one more in at the very end. Britney poisons her mother so that she can get all the money. Damn, that really sucks how that turns out. You’ve waited around for a year for the perfect robbery, you think you’re in the green and suddenly your own kid poisons you.
That’s 8 plot twists for ya folks. Go back and count’em. 8 plot twists. All in all, the film did a fine job of having plenty of twists, enough thrill and several sets of really nice boobs. All things considered, they should fire the gang that makes all the Bourne movies and hire these straight to video writers for some spy flicks. I mean, come on. Who wouldn’t want to see a spy flick with sinister gals and nice breasts? That’s why thirteen year olds go to see Bond movies anyway, to see hot gals in bikinis. They might as well raise the bar in a different set of flicks and raise the bar for us older, somewhat more mature folks.
posted by Jaimetud at 6:50 PM
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