Right on, Andy!

And in other e-mail news, my sister has sent me this amazing article, which is a word for word recant of what Andy Rooney (no relation to Mickey Rooney) said on live TV a few weeks ago. And since I like etching in my own opinion, I’ll be interrupting Mr. Rooney in this transcript:

I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens...Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

Righty-O. I think, in certain ways, racial segregation has remained in this country. And it’s not just in the minds of racist white southerners, it’s in the minds of racist black people who want to separate themselves from us “Whiteys.” And of course, you can never have Je$$e Jack$on on your side unless you're someone like Tookie Williams.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

Second amendment, all the way, baby! We gotta have our guns.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE?

They call Boy Scouts Boy Scouts because most little boys don’t function well around little girls. They have enough trouble functioning among themselves. Take it from a former Boy Scout. And who the heck is Martha Burke? Suddenly, the article has this part added into it:

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.

Bingo. And back to our regularly scheduled program.

I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.

I am slightly lost here. This is the kind of thought process that leads people to believe that they can just talk shit about anyone else who disagrees with them at the drop of a hat or demand that someone remove a “Candidate X” bumper sticker from their car because they don’t like them. On the other hand, you won’t grow up thinking that getting fired over political reasons is an abuse of your first amendment rights.

When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability.

Correction, Mr. Rooney: It’s both. And it ain’t half bad.

I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!

I hate to admit it, but as harsh as it sounds, he’s actually right. If we can’t communicate with each other, we won’t get nothin’ done.

My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.

Heh. Try telling that to some of the minorities at my school.

I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

Whoah, now he’s off the rocker. Of course, I think he’s overreacting a bit. This line will definitely be the most likely candidate to be misquoted for years to come, though.

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business. We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations. I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them. I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building. It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say "NO!" I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals.! I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries! I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else And if you don't like my point of view, tough...?? DON'T PASS IT ON. But I'm sure the majority of you will since you've been thinking most of these things anyway.

That was beautiful. Except for, maybe, that part near the end regarding “political correctness.” Unless that’s referring to the unwritten political correctness guidelines that state that it’s ok to make fun of white people, but not black people. And Andy, if you happen to come across my blog here and read this, I may not entirely like what you have to say, but I will go to my death defending your right to say it. Unless I discover you’ve gone Communist or Nazi or something like that.