Dual Bloggage
OK, there’s been a lot going on in my life worth blogging about these past few days, so I gotta write a lot here tonight. First off, I’ve been reading the blogs of Mr. RHJunior who seems to be further to the right side than I am on certain things. And so I happened upon this post of his a few days ago: My Formula for Making Movies (especially animated movies) Better. And so I thought: “Hmm, a right-wing guy who likes animated movies. I simply MUST blog on this!”
OK, toads, here’s the deal. I’ll post what he said on his blog point by point and you get to read my 2 cents after each one? Capice? Good.
1) No celebrity voices. What you waste on paying the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire to be the voice of a talking fish, you could have spent on a dozen voice actors of equal or better quality and thrown in a more skilled writer on the side.
In case you’re animation-intolerant, this guy is referring to “Shark Tale”, which is an adequate film with one of the worst endings in movie history. Personally, I agreed with using Will Smith as the character, but actors these days take wy too much money for the work they do. If “Fresh Prince” really wants to do the movie, you can make him settle for SAG scale or tell him to buzz off.
2) No pop tunes. By the time that oh-so-popular tune gets to the screen, it's already a tired, annoying, overplayed cliche'. Take what you spent on the licensing for that pop tune and hire someone to do a proper music score.
Depends on the tune. Personally, I still think the “Macarena” is cool, but I’d never use it unless I REALLY needed to. And has anyone reading this heard the soundtrack for “Chicken Little?” Honestly, what were they thinking making poor, talented actress Joan Cusack sing “Wannabe?” No actor should be made to sing such songs unless they can sing right. Sorry Joan, I love you but you ain’t Britney.
3) Do not try to be "hip," "def," "phat," or any other version of "cool." and ESPECIALLY not "ghetto" or "street." That means no slang, no culturally trendy catchphrases, no gangsta rap references, no goofy pop clothing or hairstyles, none of it. That crap couldn't be more lame if you broke both its kneecaps.
Now I know this guy’s beef with “Shark Tale” is bigger than last month’s Thanksgiving meatloaf. But I digress, I still agree only to a certain degree. Street slang and that stuff can be cool, just don’t overdo it unless you’re trying to parody something. And the “old-white-guy-acting-street-and-coming-across-as-funny” gag is WAY too overdone.
4) Let the writers and animators off the leash. They are the creative team. You are the corporate team. They know how to do art, stories, and funny jokes. YOU DO NOT. Satisfy yourself with conducting the advertising campaign to get people drooling to see the movie when it comes out, and leave the artistic stuff to the actual artists.
As a filmmaker, I again agree. I know what it’s like to have a fanancier breathe down your neck. They don’t know how to do my job, so they shouldn’t pretend like they do or even tell me how to do mine.
5) A caveat to the above: Lose the grossout humor. Yes, I'm looking at YOU, DreamWorks. Every animated feature I've seen from you so far has had it--- apparently because you think, pathetically enough, that poop and fart jokes make your films more "mature" and cutting edge. In case you were wondering, no, they don't.Leave the poop, peeing, fart and other biological humor at home.
Ahem, you forgot Nickelodeon. There can be grossout SOMETIMES, but farting just isn’t too funny anymore in kids movies. And seeing Donkey pee out the fire in the first “Shrek” will always haunt my memories as a joke not only to be kept out of kids movies, but anatomically incorrect as well. If they model Donkey without privates, then don’t make him use them!
6) Do not make a sequel to a movie with a decisive ending. If the movie ends with the last highlander cutting off the head of the next-to-last highlander with a sword, it's a good sign that there's no room for sequels. And direct-to-video sequels are absolutely out. I know it's cheaper than exercising any creativity, but it makes you LOOK like a lazy, untalented bunch of hacks. Do not BE this person.
Here, I disagree on certain levels. If they can explain having the bad guy return properly, then I don’t mind them coming back so much. Of course, I’m one of the few people who enjoyed the “Matrix” sequels. And don’t whine to me about how much the sequels suck just because the heroes died at the end. Heroes die, tough cookies, move on please.
7) Quit using cliche plot devices and characters. I am so sick of movies filled to the eyeballs with characters right out of Cliche Hell. Look, if you go over the script and you see character types in there that you've seen in a dozen other films, UN INVITE them from your own movie. They've overstayed their welcome.
Once again, this rule shall only be ignored in spoofs.
8) Finally, if it takes making a longer movie to tell the whole story, MAKE a longer movie. ESPECIALLY if you're making a movie version of a book. If it takes 2,3, or even 4 hours to fit all the plot in, DO it. Quit dropping characters, scenes and plotlines from the movie "for the sake of time." And quit leaving pieces ESSENTIAL TO THE MAIN PLOT on the cutting room floor!
I really despise it when essential stuff is cut out. I loved “Young Frankenstein,” but it was always kind of bogus to see Dr. Fronk-en-steen bash the memory of his grandfather in his first scene and then suddenly jump at the opportunity to go see his castle. They had a scene in there that explained that a little further which can now only be seen as a special feature on the DVD. They SHOULD have left it in. Ah well, I won’t get my underwear in an uproar over it.
See the above list, moviemakers? This is the reason people like Peter Jackson, Pixar, and small-potato indie filmmakers are wiping the floor with you. Not because they're using the shiny new toys like CGI or "rustically authentic" filming methods. Its not any "formula" they're using, precisely because they're NOT being formulaic. Do you get this? the LOTR trilogy, The Incredibles, Monsters Inc, the Blair Witch project, the Emporer's New Groove--- they could have been live action, classically animated, CGI, claymation or done with SOCK PUPPETS and still have been good. Why? Because, for each of those, the story came FIRST. And they WEREN'T just trying to repackage the same sorry sad sack plot with some new trappings.
RHJunior’s job is finished.
OK, toads, here’s the deal. I’ll post what he said on his blog point by point and you get to read my 2 cents after each one? Capice? Good.
1) No celebrity voices. What you waste on paying the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire to be the voice of a talking fish, you could have spent on a dozen voice actors of equal or better quality and thrown in a more skilled writer on the side.
In case you’re animation-intolerant, this guy is referring to “Shark Tale”, which is an adequate film with one of the worst endings in movie history. Personally, I agreed with using Will Smith as the character, but actors these days take wy too much money for the work they do. If “Fresh Prince” really wants to do the movie, you can make him settle for SAG scale or tell him to buzz off.
2) No pop tunes. By the time that oh-so-popular tune gets to the screen, it's already a tired, annoying, overplayed cliche'. Take what you spent on the licensing for that pop tune and hire someone to do a proper music score.
Depends on the tune. Personally, I still think the “Macarena” is cool, but I’d never use it unless I REALLY needed to. And has anyone reading this heard the soundtrack for “Chicken Little?” Honestly, what were they thinking making poor, talented actress Joan Cusack sing “Wannabe?” No actor should be made to sing such songs unless they can sing right. Sorry Joan, I love you but you ain’t Britney.
3) Do not try to be "hip," "def," "phat," or any other version of "cool." and ESPECIALLY not "ghetto" or "street." That means no slang, no culturally trendy catchphrases, no gangsta rap references, no goofy pop clothing or hairstyles, none of it. That crap couldn't be more lame if you broke both its kneecaps.
Now I know this guy’s beef with “Shark Tale” is bigger than last month’s Thanksgiving meatloaf. But I digress, I still agree only to a certain degree. Street slang and that stuff can be cool, just don’t overdo it unless you’re trying to parody something. And the “old-white-guy-acting-street-and-coming-across-as-funny” gag is WAY too overdone.
4) Let the writers and animators off the leash. They are the creative team. You are the corporate team. They know how to do art, stories, and funny jokes. YOU DO NOT. Satisfy yourself with conducting the advertising campaign to get people drooling to see the movie when it comes out, and leave the artistic stuff to the actual artists.
As a filmmaker, I again agree. I know what it’s like to have a fanancier breathe down your neck. They don’t know how to do my job, so they shouldn’t pretend like they do or even tell me how to do mine.
5) A caveat to the above: Lose the grossout humor. Yes, I'm looking at YOU, DreamWorks. Every animated feature I've seen from you so far has had it--- apparently because you think, pathetically enough, that poop and fart jokes make your films more "mature" and cutting edge. In case you were wondering, no, they don't.Leave the poop, peeing, fart and other biological humor at home.
Ahem, you forgot Nickelodeon. There can be grossout SOMETIMES, but farting just isn’t too funny anymore in kids movies. And seeing Donkey pee out the fire in the first “Shrek” will always haunt my memories as a joke not only to be kept out of kids movies, but anatomically incorrect as well. If they model Donkey without privates, then don’t make him use them!
6) Do not make a sequel to a movie with a decisive ending. If the movie ends with the last highlander cutting off the head of the next-to-last highlander with a sword, it's a good sign that there's no room for sequels. And direct-to-video sequels are absolutely out. I know it's cheaper than exercising any creativity, but it makes you LOOK like a lazy, untalented bunch of hacks. Do not BE this person.
Here, I disagree on certain levels. If they can explain having the bad guy return properly, then I don’t mind them coming back so much. Of course, I’m one of the few people who enjoyed the “Matrix” sequels. And don’t whine to me about how much the sequels suck just because the heroes died at the end. Heroes die, tough cookies, move on please.
7) Quit using cliche plot devices and characters. I am so sick of movies filled to the eyeballs with characters right out of Cliche Hell. Look, if you go over the script and you see character types in there that you've seen in a dozen other films, UN INVITE them from your own movie. They've overstayed their welcome.
Once again, this rule shall only be ignored in spoofs.
8) Finally, if it takes making a longer movie to tell the whole story, MAKE a longer movie. ESPECIALLY if you're making a movie version of a book. If it takes 2,3, or even 4 hours to fit all the plot in, DO it. Quit dropping characters, scenes and plotlines from the movie "for the sake of time." And quit leaving pieces ESSENTIAL TO THE MAIN PLOT on the cutting room floor!
I really despise it when essential stuff is cut out. I loved “Young Frankenstein,” but it was always kind of bogus to see Dr. Fronk-en-steen bash the memory of his grandfather in his first scene and then suddenly jump at the opportunity to go see his castle. They had a scene in there that explained that a little further which can now only be seen as a special feature on the DVD. They SHOULD have left it in. Ah well, I won’t get my underwear in an uproar over it.
See the above list, moviemakers? This is the reason people like Peter Jackson, Pixar, and small-potato indie filmmakers are wiping the floor with you. Not because they're using the shiny new toys like CGI or "rustically authentic" filming methods. Its not any "formula" they're using, precisely because they're NOT being formulaic. Do you get this? the LOTR trilogy, The Incredibles, Monsters Inc, the Blair Witch project, the Emporer's New Groove--- they could have been live action, classically animated, CGI, claymation or done with SOCK PUPPETS and still have been good. Why? Because, for each of those, the story came FIRST. And they WEREN'T just trying to repackage the same sorry sad sack plot with some new trappings.
RHJunior’s job is finished.
posted by Jaimetud at 9:31 PM
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