Low Fidel-ity

This article just in from the “My girlfriend sent this to me” news agency, it looks like Fidel “Catastrophe” Castro ain’t feeling too good lately. Yunno, he might have, like, a FATAL ILLNESS or something like that which could very well end his life. The kind of thing that comes along when we all get too old, actually. Anyhoo, it comes as no surprise that what brings our boy Castro great pain, brings Cuban immigrants great joy:

CORAL GABLES, Fla. (AP) The calls to Radio Mambi came from as far away as Europe: Cuban exiles were euphoric over Fidel Castro's illness and wanted to share their joy with the AM station known as the voice of Miami's Cuban community.

Now, I seem to remember that Pat Robertson or Jerry Folwell or some televangelist from the land of God and Gettin’ Richsaid something about Yassir Arafat dying a while ago. They said that the reason Arafat was dying was because he was a deadly terrorist who was now feeling the wrath of God for his sins. But before we in the Christian world envision the almighty in a headband and a wifebeater saying “I kill Communists just for fun,” let us not forge that these sorts deadly illnesses come with old age. Not that it’s not part of God’s plan for him, but I don’t see much of anything spectacular of an old man dying. I just thank God that it’s one last creep we’ll never have to deal with anymore. But before we officially brand this as the end of his days, let’s read the article a bit more.

Disregarding the official reports from Cuba, many of Radio Mambi's listeners were ready Tuesday to declare Castro dead, 47 years after he took power. Some pointed to Castro's unprecedented handover to his brother Raul as evidence that he is either already gone or nearly so, and they excitedly planned to go home.

``I don't care if they say how he died. I'm already celebrating and I have my suitcases ready for me to go,'' one unidentified caller told Radio Mambi, adding that she was skipping work to revel in the news.

OK, first let me comment on this bit: Do NOT rejoice too soon, whatever you do. One reason I say this is that I do not know Castro’s brother. As far as I know, he could turn out to be another vicious Communist dictator like his brother was. And the other reason, well, let’s read a bit more.

The calls echoed the opinions heard on Miami's streets. Many of Miami-Dade County's 800,000 Cuban-Americans have awaited Castro's demise. Many Cuban-Americans view him as a ruthless dictator who forced them, their parents or grandparents from their home after he seized power in a revolution in 1959.

Castro issued a statement Tuesday night saying the operation was serious but that his condition was ``stable'' and that ``as for my spirits, I feel perfectly fine.'' The statement, read on Cuba's state-run television, did not provide any details about his intestinal illness, which was first announced Monday.

That’s correct, folks. The man could still very much be alive for a little while longer. I know he was a cretin for what he did, I know he’s got tons of blood on his hands, but if he’s not quite dead yet then don’t rejoice too soon. Just wait a little bit longer, see what happens, and when he does pass away and his brother has had some time in power, take the time to test the water, and if you like it and want to go home, you can. But whatever you do, don’t rush into this. If you don’t want to see the same kind of oppression as before, then give this some time.

Cuban-Americans in Miami said the statement sounded like government propaganda.

Cuban-Americans in Miami said the statement sounded like government propaganda.

``They know we are celebrating over here. They are just saying that. They are covering up the truth because they can't take an uproar of people within the island,'' said Cari Gonzalez, 26, whose parents came from Cuba in 1980.

Mirta Sotolongo, 54, said the statement was essentially meaningless.

``He's not going to return to power. I consider that he's dead and if he's not dead today, he will be dead tomorrow and if not, his days are still numbered,'' she said.

He won’t return? Did he actually say that and I missed it, or what? Once again, his brother is in power and there still may be trouble. And so, as you probably have guessed, the article goes on like this, but only up until this part which I found agreeable:

At Radio Mambi, the nine telephone lines that host Lourdes D'Kendall monitored Tuesday rang nonstop. She could do nothing else but take call after call each from an anti-Castrist eager to share their happiness over his reported illness, and their hopes for quick confirmation of his death.

D'Kendall tried to dispel unconfirmed information. Speaking in an even pace, she also tried to soothe the emotions of her audience.

``We have every right to celebrate. ... But we must be very careful not to commit any mistake,'' she said. ``We are very impassioned, but we must set passion aside.''

THANK you. I couldn’t agree more. And on that note, I have nothing else to add. Except this: in the case that Cuba becomes a better place to live under Raul Castro, which is highly unlikely in my opinion, the Cuban-Americans can move home as they please and the United States will actually save a lot of money. Assuming that many of these people who were exiled are not legal immigrants, we can assume that our economy will not be drained by social services to those who can’t pay it back. It’s a win-win situation, but it’s not so likely to happen, like I said. There’s also the possibility of Cubans moving back before we can truly tell if the state of the country will be better, in which case our economy will save money and the Cubans will be miserable again, which according to some reports may not happen either. A win-lose situation, in other words. Then there’s the third option which I can conceive of in which Cuba remains a mess, the immigrants stay here and our economy continues to drain unless they gain legal status. A lose-lose situation, but on the plus side we won’t have to feel so bad for them moving back to their country.

One caller said: ``Never have I wished for the death of anyone. But I hope he suffers in a vegetative state.''

D'Kendall, who left Cuba more than 40 years ago as a child, said she can understand their emotions.

``They believe he's dead because this is what they have been waiting for a long time,'' she said.

And I hope that only the best can come of this. But I’m just being optimistic, of course.