Alone
Things are going pretty well for me lately. I’m several weeks into the new semester and I’ve also spent a lot of time in an internship program down in San Rafael at a film place. I can’t thank the family enough for helping set me up with that. I even helped a friend work on a script that was sent to Spike Lee today to see if he wants to buy it. I’m getting really close to finishing up both short films I’ve had in the pipeline recently and I have ideas for a few new scripts myself. This year, things are looking up, and if I’m as lucky as I hope to be, I’ll have my hands on a new camera by the end of the year.
With all this good news, I’ve come to a rather shocking revelation: I believe that I will probably never marry as long as I live.
Does that surprise you? I would assume so. After all, it’s only normal to be the type of person who likes to date at a certain age and maybe eventually take that relationship to the extent of marriage, and I would like that. I would like to have that lifelong bond of being married and having children and all that. But as it stands, it’s not going to happen. And I think I can pretty much lay down a lot of the reasons as to why.
1. Women want men with that certain “spark”
It’s rather mysterious, but some people have it. Women like guys with that certain look about them. They see them and it makes them want to hang out. I had the opportunity once to sign onto a free online dating site called Plenty of Fish. It’s 100% free, and it lets you decide which of the eligible women on the site you want to talk with. Or men, depending on your preference.
My friend who introduced me to the website had signed up around the same time. Almost instantly, women were trying to contact him. Oddly enough, the woman he’s now engaged to has no affiliation with the site whatsoever; he just met up with her by chance. I had no women trying to contact me for the first few months, period. I contacted many women, but only a few e-mails later they never responded again.
Then I got contacted by a young woman who went to high school with me. I barely remembered her at all, but we wound up exchanging phone numbers nonetheless. Apparently, she was dating another guy at the time and was telling me how she felt like she might be in love with him. On top of that, she was exceptionally rude to me about the way I dress, my relationship with my parents and my lack of former dating relationships, which she had no business asking about in the first place. The last thing I remember her telling me was about how she wanted to change me, i.e. my clothes, my personality, whatever. Needless to say, I quit calling after that and stopped returning her calls.
2. Women who are interested in me tend to fall into these three categories:
A. Promiscuous
On top her many other faults, the girl I last spoke about, who I will here on out refer to as “Nosy,” demanded on the first phone call to know specific details about “how far I go” in a dating relationship. For anyone reading this that might be a date virgin, that means “How far do you go physically?” I didn’t feel comfortable being asked this question so soon, nor will I give out my answer on my blog because (a.) I can’t remember what exactly was said and (b.) it’s none of your business. But when I asked her the same question, she replied “Oh, I go MUCH farther than you.” This information I found to be quite hypocritical when she later criticized my ex for being promiscuous. I didn’t get a straight answer from her, but I don’t want to know.
B. Handicapped
It shouldn’t be a problem. I don’t have anything against the handicapped and I couldn’t care less if I fell in love with a woman who had something minor like, say, OCD. However, when it comes to relationships, most people prefer someone who is capable of returning the same amount of love and effort into a relationship as they are. Common experience and interests are also a plus. But if someone has a severe disorder such as Down syndrome, strong autistic symptoms or worse, they are better off looking for someone with their same condition. If a woman with any of these disorders flirts with you, chances are you won’t be attracted. I should know. I’ve had such women flirt with me before.
C. Mentally Insane
I once went out to lunch with one girl. I knew right off the bat that she was mentally handicapped and I had no intention of dating her whatsoever. I just wanted her to be a friend I could go see movies with. I could have fit her into the handicapped category, but I’m mentioning her here because the relationship went sour when she started lying about everyone and everything that happened to her regarding my friends, my family, herself and people I don’t know. Honesty and trust are important factors in relationships, and I could tell she wanted me. It wasn’t long before she wound up making scenes with me in public places, something she wound up doing with all of her friends. And ironically, I would later find out that she was also QUITE promiscuous, which would put her into our surprise next category which is…
D. All of the above
How is it possible that I’ve had such a long history of befriending or crushing on women that fit into this category? Who can I talk about who fits this description? Shall I talk about the girl who had a major case of eczema, enjoyed both genders and had schizophrenic episodes? Shall I talk about the girl who enjoyed one gender for sex, the other for romance, had a strange, unidentifiable condition and kept attempting suicide? Or shall I talk about the girl who was, again, bisexual, a total freak and had such a head condition that she had to have brain surgery? I should also mention that I never, at any point, actually hooked up with any of these women.
Instead, I hooked up with someone else who, as fate would have it, would still fit the bill. The only time I ever went steady with someone was for nine months. It was great at first, but there were other wrinkles that showed after a while. She was visually impaired, which I didn’t mind so much, and had slight cerebral palsy. None of this was her fault, so naturally I let it slide. But I couldn’t begin to describe the levels of crazy that I wound up going through. Even to her. As for being promiscuous, don’t worry. We never had sex, but let’s just say I know way too much about her other relationships.
3. Politics is a non-issue
I’ve noticed a tendency among people when it comes to politics. Women who vote Democrat prefer somebody with the same viewpoint. Men who vote Democrat generally let it slide, as do women who vote Republican. I’ve only known one Democrat female who married someone else with a different political viewpoint, but she’s nowhere within my age range. With my history of watching friendships and possible relationships alike burn in flames over a silly issue that we disagree on, I figured I could either date a Republican or a Libertarian and I’d be safe.
Wrong. Women who vote Republican or Libertarian can’t stand more than one date with me. Why? Because I don’t have that spark, I guess. I don’t have enough in common. Even when I feel like I have enough in common with somebody, they don’t feel it back. The relationship ends. And since I’ll never be seen dating a Communist, a Socialist or an Anarchist, that means I’m screwed because where I go to school, those types take up the overwhelming majority.
4. One date is enough
I’ve mentioned this before, but politics aside, let me elaborate on it. A tendency I have among potential “normal” dating partners is that I have one date with them, whether it’s a casual lunch or going out to dinner. After that, most of them don’t want to see me or call me again. But if I’m really lucky, I’ll get the evil eye from them every time I run into them after that.
5. All the nice girls are taken
You see them all around. They’ve got similar interests, a nice attitude, they like talking to you… but guess what? They’re taken. I’m serious. It doesn’t matter if they’re at your workplace or not. You know that even if you were into dating, that dating somebody at the workplace would be deemed unprofessional by your coworkers and be disastrous for the both of you if the relationship didn’t work out. But guess what? She’s married to the boss.
So you think maybe the other girl who works there who was so nice to you might like you in that way. She’s a little older (by how much you can only guess) and you might be interested in dating if you weren’t working together. Except then, you find out that she’s a lesbian. No wonder she was so comfortable around you, cuz she feels like one of the guys!
If there’s any doubt in your mind about the possibility of the above scenario, believe me… I’ve experienced it.
6. I’m not good enough
This one just sums it up altogether. I’m not good enough. Let’s say that I had somebody in mind who I didn’t have political conflicts with, who I didn’t work with…basically who wasn’t anyone in the above categories. I’d still not be good enough because there’s something wrong with me that just doesn’t attract “normal” women. Even the girl I dated for a long time couldn’t help but tell me I wasn’t good enough. That’s really bad.
Now I’ve actually been told “Oh yeah, you’re good enough. You just need to try this or try that. You just need a change of clothes, that’s all. You need to dress hip.” It doesn’t work that way, ok? I like the way I dress and I feel comfortable with it. If someone is going to like me for me and not the way I dress, it’s a waste of time to get some drastic makeover. And if women don’t like the way I dress, then that just sucks.
Maybe my luck will change. Maybe one day I’ll become a successful movie director and women will like me, right? Wrong again. Chances are, if I start making money and the women I meet start liking me more, it’s not gonna be for me. And if they’re in it for the money, then chances are pretty good that the three undesirable categories I described above will be there too. Only on steroids.
So I guess that sums it up. Unless I’ve missed something important then I am fated to live a long, lonely life. And the sooner I realize that, I’m probably better off not wasting my time pursuing something I don’t deserve. But I have to look on the bright side. I’ve still got family, I’ve got my friends, I’ve got a career life ahead of me and I have to try and grab that by the horns when it comes.
With all this good news, I’ve come to a rather shocking revelation: I believe that I will probably never marry as long as I live.
Does that surprise you? I would assume so. After all, it’s only normal to be the type of person who likes to date at a certain age and maybe eventually take that relationship to the extent of marriage, and I would like that. I would like to have that lifelong bond of being married and having children and all that. But as it stands, it’s not going to happen. And I think I can pretty much lay down a lot of the reasons as to why.
1. Women want men with that certain “spark”
It’s rather mysterious, but some people have it. Women like guys with that certain look about them. They see them and it makes them want to hang out. I had the opportunity once to sign onto a free online dating site called Plenty of Fish. It’s 100% free, and it lets you decide which of the eligible women on the site you want to talk with. Or men, depending on your preference.
My friend who introduced me to the website had signed up around the same time. Almost instantly, women were trying to contact him. Oddly enough, the woman he’s now engaged to has no affiliation with the site whatsoever; he just met up with her by chance. I had no women trying to contact me for the first few months, period. I contacted many women, but only a few e-mails later they never responded again.
Then I got contacted by a young woman who went to high school with me. I barely remembered her at all, but we wound up exchanging phone numbers nonetheless. Apparently, she was dating another guy at the time and was telling me how she felt like she might be in love with him. On top of that, she was exceptionally rude to me about the way I dress, my relationship with my parents and my lack of former dating relationships, which she had no business asking about in the first place. The last thing I remember her telling me was about how she wanted to change me, i.e. my clothes, my personality, whatever. Needless to say, I quit calling after that and stopped returning her calls.
2. Women who are interested in me tend to fall into these three categories:
A. Promiscuous
On top her many other faults, the girl I last spoke about, who I will here on out refer to as “Nosy,” demanded on the first phone call to know specific details about “how far I go” in a dating relationship. For anyone reading this that might be a date virgin, that means “How far do you go physically?” I didn’t feel comfortable being asked this question so soon, nor will I give out my answer on my blog because (a.) I can’t remember what exactly was said and (b.) it’s none of your business. But when I asked her the same question, she replied “Oh, I go MUCH farther than you.” This information I found to be quite hypocritical when she later criticized my ex for being promiscuous. I didn’t get a straight answer from her, but I don’t want to know.
B. Handicapped
It shouldn’t be a problem. I don’t have anything against the handicapped and I couldn’t care less if I fell in love with a woman who had something minor like, say, OCD. However, when it comes to relationships, most people prefer someone who is capable of returning the same amount of love and effort into a relationship as they are. Common experience and interests are also a plus. But if someone has a severe disorder such as Down syndrome, strong autistic symptoms or worse, they are better off looking for someone with their same condition. If a woman with any of these disorders flirts with you, chances are you won’t be attracted. I should know. I’ve had such women flirt with me before.
C. Mentally Insane
I once went out to lunch with one girl. I knew right off the bat that she was mentally handicapped and I had no intention of dating her whatsoever. I just wanted her to be a friend I could go see movies with. I could have fit her into the handicapped category, but I’m mentioning her here because the relationship went sour when she started lying about everyone and everything that happened to her regarding my friends, my family, herself and people I don’t know. Honesty and trust are important factors in relationships, and I could tell she wanted me. It wasn’t long before she wound up making scenes with me in public places, something she wound up doing with all of her friends. And ironically, I would later find out that she was also QUITE promiscuous, which would put her into our surprise next category which is…
D. All of the above
How is it possible that I’ve had such a long history of befriending or crushing on women that fit into this category? Who can I talk about who fits this description? Shall I talk about the girl who had a major case of eczema, enjoyed both genders and had schizophrenic episodes? Shall I talk about the girl who enjoyed one gender for sex, the other for romance, had a strange, unidentifiable condition and kept attempting suicide? Or shall I talk about the girl who was, again, bisexual, a total freak and had such a head condition that she had to have brain surgery? I should also mention that I never, at any point, actually hooked up with any of these women.
Instead, I hooked up with someone else who, as fate would have it, would still fit the bill. The only time I ever went steady with someone was for nine months. It was great at first, but there were other wrinkles that showed after a while. She was visually impaired, which I didn’t mind so much, and had slight cerebral palsy. None of this was her fault, so naturally I let it slide. But I couldn’t begin to describe the levels of crazy that I wound up going through. Even to her. As for being promiscuous, don’t worry. We never had sex, but let’s just say I know way too much about her other relationships.
3. Politics is a non-issue
I’ve noticed a tendency among people when it comes to politics. Women who vote Democrat prefer somebody with the same viewpoint. Men who vote Democrat generally let it slide, as do women who vote Republican. I’ve only known one Democrat female who married someone else with a different political viewpoint, but she’s nowhere within my age range. With my history of watching friendships and possible relationships alike burn in flames over a silly issue that we disagree on, I figured I could either date a Republican or a Libertarian and I’d be safe.
Wrong. Women who vote Republican or Libertarian can’t stand more than one date with me. Why? Because I don’t have that spark, I guess. I don’t have enough in common. Even when I feel like I have enough in common with somebody, they don’t feel it back. The relationship ends. And since I’ll never be seen dating a Communist, a Socialist or an Anarchist, that means I’m screwed because where I go to school, those types take up the overwhelming majority.
4. One date is enough
I’ve mentioned this before, but politics aside, let me elaborate on it. A tendency I have among potential “normal” dating partners is that I have one date with them, whether it’s a casual lunch or going out to dinner. After that, most of them don’t want to see me or call me again. But if I’m really lucky, I’ll get the evil eye from them every time I run into them after that.
5. All the nice girls are taken
You see them all around. They’ve got similar interests, a nice attitude, they like talking to you… but guess what? They’re taken. I’m serious. It doesn’t matter if they’re at your workplace or not. You know that even if you were into dating, that dating somebody at the workplace would be deemed unprofessional by your coworkers and be disastrous for the both of you if the relationship didn’t work out. But guess what? She’s married to the boss.
So you think maybe the other girl who works there who was so nice to you might like you in that way. She’s a little older (by how much you can only guess) and you might be interested in dating if you weren’t working together. Except then, you find out that she’s a lesbian. No wonder she was so comfortable around you, cuz she feels like one of the guys!
If there’s any doubt in your mind about the possibility of the above scenario, believe me… I’ve experienced it.
6. I’m not good enough
This one just sums it up altogether. I’m not good enough. Let’s say that I had somebody in mind who I didn’t have political conflicts with, who I didn’t work with…basically who wasn’t anyone in the above categories. I’d still not be good enough because there’s something wrong with me that just doesn’t attract “normal” women. Even the girl I dated for a long time couldn’t help but tell me I wasn’t good enough. That’s really bad.
Now I’ve actually been told “Oh yeah, you’re good enough. You just need to try this or try that. You just need a change of clothes, that’s all. You need to dress hip.” It doesn’t work that way, ok? I like the way I dress and I feel comfortable with it. If someone is going to like me for me and not the way I dress, it’s a waste of time to get some drastic makeover. And if women don’t like the way I dress, then that just sucks.
Maybe my luck will change. Maybe one day I’ll become a successful movie director and women will like me, right? Wrong again. Chances are, if I start making money and the women I meet start liking me more, it’s not gonna be for me. And if they’re in it for the money, then chances are pretty good that the three undesirable categories I described above will be there too. Only on steroids.
So I guess that sums it up. Unless I’ve missed something important then I am fated to live a long, lonely life. And the sooner I realize that, I’m probably better off not wasting my time pursuing something I don’t deserve. But I have to look on the bright side. I’ve still got family, I’ve got my friends, I’ve got a career life ahead of me and I have to try and grab that by the horns when it comes.
posted by Jaimetud at 9:21 PM
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