Experimenting with Fungus

Here’s a funny story for ya. I lying in bed last night, having a little trouble sleeping as usual, and I had a rather bad itch crawling up on an area of my body I feel I need not mention. When this occurs, I usually use Miconazole to cure what ails me. It’s a good anti-fungus agent, it’s soothing and I had none of it available at the time. Instead the closest thing I had to it was “Fungi Cure,” a bottled liquid that you “paint” onto your toes to get rid of toe fungus. So I figured, “gee, both of these things get rid of fungus, so why not?” Bad mistake.

After I painted on the “Fungi Cure,” I laid in bed and started to feel a rather odd hot sensation in my nether regions. Curiously, I looked at the ingredients on the bottle label: 25% Undeclenic Acid! This curious turn of events led me to think deeply about my predicament. Whenever I put the ointment on my toes, it never burns, it just makes it feel slightly warm. But when I put it where the sun doesn’t shine, it burns. The conclusion that I came to was that I’m getting a different reaction due to skin thickness. The skin around my feet is thick and callous and therefore harder to penetrate. However, the skin around my inner thigh regions was thin and therefore more penetrable. But this shouldn’t be a problem, right? It’s only a slight burn, it should go down in a few minutes.

Ten minutes later, my crotch was on fire.

I simply got up, walked to the bathroom and washed the ointment off with sink water, then I used some regular anti-fungus ointment to take care of what was left. And I tell you, folks, anti-fungus cream has never been so cool and soothing.

Lesson learned: Never put toe fungus cure on your crotch.