The Long Arm of the Claw

WooooOOOooooh! Happy Halloweeeeeen! This year we have a spoooooky story for yooouuuu. A tale that has become more than an urban legend. A story that tells itself time and time again, thus making itself ageless. Brace yourselves for another terrifying case of…A three year old boy getting stuck inside a claw machine:

ANTIGO, Wis. - Three-year-old Robert Moore went fishing for a stuffed replica of Sponge Bob and ended up trapped in a vending machine. The toddler's adventure began with a Saturday evening shopping trip with his grandmother, Fredricka Bierdemann, and three siblings.

Bierdemann ended the trip by giving each child a dollar and telling them to have fun in a retailer's game room.

A stuffed Sponge Bob in a vending machine's bin caught Robert's eye. He tried without success to fish it out with a plastic crane.

"I told him I could get it for him," his grandmother said. "He's a character. He said, 'Oh no, I can get it.'"

When she turned her back to get another dollar for a second try, Robert took off his coat and squeezed through an opening in the machine. He landed in the stuffed animal cube.

"I turned around and looked for him, and he said, 'Oma, I'm in here," Bierdemann said. "I thought I would have a heart attack."

You know…What I wouldn’t give to be three years old again and try something like this. But then again, my folks would have done the right thing and disciplined the hell out of me if I did. Provided that this next part wasn’t traumatizing enough.

Store employees couldn't find a key to the machine, so Robert waited while the Antigo Fire Department was called.

"He was having a ball in there, hugging all the stuffed animals," Bierdemann said. "He was so good-natured, but I was shaking like a leaf."

Firefighters broke one lock but then spotted two latches inside the plastic cube. They passed a screwdriver to Robert.

"He stacked up all the stuffed animals and used that screwdriver to open the latch," his grandmother said. "You should have seen him go."

Eventually, Robert freed himself. But his mother, Marie Moore, and grandmother said they were lucky that he remained calm when another child might not have. He went home safe — but without a stuffed Sponge Bob.

Something tells me the child is better off in the long run without a stuffed Spongebob. Either that or I just don’t like Spongebob period. Anyway, I’ma spend my Halloween with the Wolfman mask and hand out candy to kids as usual while watching “Saw” with Lauren. Peace out, y’all.

Judge Frost

How do you make up for last years holidays going totally wrong? Get a judge involved:

CONYERS, Ga. (AP) — A woman and her two young children will get a special Christmas dinner at one of Atlanta's most expensive restaurants this year — courtesy of a judge.

Chief Superior Court Judge Sidney Nation ordered Wendell Jerome Herman Rogers II to open his wallet and treat his family to a posh meal after he was charged with family violence on Christmas Day.

"Basically you were hung over and didn't want to be involved in some activities your wife planned," Nation told Rogers. "You acted up and ruined Christmas, so this year you're going to make it up to them."

Authorities say Rogers, 33, came home from a party on Christmas Eve and got into a confrontation with his wife in front of their two young children the next morning. He was charged with family violence battery and obstructing and hindering a person making an emergency telephone call.

In addition to the dinner, Nation also sentenced Rogers to serve 12 months, although the time is suspended while Rogers continues an anger management course. Rogers also has to pay a $1,000 fine.

He will have to submit a receipt for the family dinner.

Rogers' attorney, Maurice Bennett, said his client agreed he had misbehaved and readily accepted the dinner sentence, which attorneys said would set him back more than $300.

This ought to be a perfect solution. Maybe the judge can also order Wendell Rogers to rehab so he can kick the habit that started it all in the first place.

Star Child

It looks like in Britain’s search for the next Nick Park has discovered him in a fourteen year old boy:

Bridlington filmmaker Lewi Firth Bolton has turned down his dream job with the Oscar-winning creators of Wallace and Gromit - because he is only 14.

Inspired by the animation series, the teenager started making films in his bedroom three years ago.

He recently submitted some of his work to Aardman Animations and was surprised when the company offered him a job.

The teenager said he was pondering whether to accept the offer in the future or develop his own company.

Lewi Firth Bolton, you’re HIRED!

When In Roma

A funny thing happened today that I would like to tell about. After another great, thought provoking sermon from my preacher, Lauren and I went home where we watched an episode of “Touched by an Angel” together. In case anyone has never seen the show, it’s a show about an angel named Monica who helps people solve their problems in each episode by showing how God can save them. So today, Lauren and I decided to see if Roma Downey, the actress who plays Monica, had a listed number in her home in Malibu. We called 411 and they patched us through. I didn’t quite realize that at the time though, the plan was just to see if she had a listed number.

Now just so you know, Lauren is a total Roma Downey fiend. If it weren’t for her, I would never have seen the show to begin with. So naturally, when I decide that we should go ahead and finish the call, she completely loses it and bounces like a clown on our couch, screaming like a Bon Jovi fangirl. After that, she jumps up and pretty much dances around the room. If you’ve never seen an angel dance like mine, it’s a beautiful thing and I shall hopefully never forget it.

In all the commotion, though, I didn’t get the number. All I heard was an answering machine for “The Downey Residence” in a voice that sounded rather Irish like Roma Downey’s. Then I realized I had no clue what I was going to leave her in the message. All that was left on her machine was the sound of Lauren going insane because I didn’t hang up the phone soon enough.

And so, from then on, the afternoon was a mission to get Lauren on the phone with Roma Downey. We practiced what I was going to say, we set up the video camera and her computer to record the fantastic event and we called back 411 to get her number for real. Only this time, not a single operator knows her number. We spent half an hour or so trying to get her number and talk to her, but only came up short. According to an online search I did, though, she should still be living in Malibu. But if 411 and Whitepages.com don’t have her number, then that leads me to believe that she has an unlisted number like most actors do.

But what of the first number that we got patched through to? Was that the real Downey residence or just the closest Downey residence that sounded like it might be her? I don’t know. Quite possibly, we just left a hysterical message on the machine of a complete stranger this afternoon and either they consider it a stupid prank or they got a laugh out of it. Either way, I hope that we managed to brighten their day a little. Lauren had warned me before that if she ever met Roma Downey in person, then I might not want to be there. After what I witnessed this afternoon, I would still gladly be there with her. I just need to remember the football pads.

Bringing Down The Schoolhouse

In other news related to religious folks and buildings be torn down, here we have the latest chapter in the recent tragic Amish school shooting. And you know, I think it’s beyond tragedy at this point. I mean, the fact that it happened, the Westboro Baptist Church folks pouring salt on the wounds of the community, and now it looks like it gets even more tragic. In order to rid themselves of the memory of the event, the Lancaster county of Pennsylvania has decided to knock the schoolhouse down:

NICKEL MINES, Pa. — Ten days after the Amish schoolhouse shootings, a demolition crew using heavy equipment tore down the bloodstained building Thursday and obliterated nearly all traces of the place where five girls were killed.

Only a bare patch of earth was left behind, and it was planted with grass seed, so that eventually even the footprint of the one-room schoolhouse will be gone, too.

Any kind of plaque or memorial is unlikely. Members of the plain-living Amish community said it would be too showy and would attract too many visitors.

"They do not want to make it a tourist attraction," said the 27-year-old brother of two of the 15 boys sent out of the schoolhouse by the gunman before the shooting.

"It's definitely a little heart-wrenching to see it go down, but it sort of finishes things off," said the Amish man, who like most members of the community did not want to be identified in any news accounts.

The Amish are known for constructing buildings by hand, without the aid of modern technology, but for this job they arranged for private contractors with heavy equipment to end a painful chapter for their community.

It also finishes off the jobs of the teachers and faculty members and everyone else that worked there. I know the Amish community grieves their loss, and so do I, but the reason why the Columbine High School is still standing is because life has to go on. No, it’s not good to make it a tourist attraction, even though outsiders might turn it into one, but aren’t they bringing extra grief on the school workers by saying that they can’t work there anymore? I wouldn’t want to, but I don’t speak for them.

Well, it’s not my decision to make. Poor people, though.

Broken China

Another wonderful e-mail I got today (sarcasm intended.) It appears as though the Chinese government wants to show us all just how much they truly love Christianity by destroying a church in China:

Dear friends,

ICC received news in early August 2006 that Chinese authorities had demolished a large house church in the province of Zhejiang. This church was under construction and was almost done when a mob of government-hired agitators came to watch as bulldozers and wrecking balls tore it to the ground.

As Christians, we need to stand with our brothers and sisters who were building this church by letting the Chinese government know that this warrant-less destruction of private property is unacceptable. ICC has written a petition to the Chinese ambassador to ask him to rectify what has happened. Would you take just a few minutes to read through this petition and sign on to it on our website (click here)?

You can also print out several of the sign-up sheets included as the second page of the attachment from the website and encourage other Christians you know to stand with these persecuted believers in China by signing in one of the spaces provided. Then fax or mail us those signatures by October 30. Our fax number is 301-989-1709, and our address is:

International Christian Concern
2020 Pennsylvania Ave NW #941
Washington, DC 20006

We will circulate this petition for just 2 – 4 weeks, and then we will present it to the Chinese embassy in Washington, DC.

Thank you so much for your concern for the persecuted church.

Sincerely in Christ,

ICC

In all sincerity, I urge you to sign this petition. Otherwise, the wrath of God and the Westboro Baptist Church will strike you down.

Echo, Booger

This is for my Journalism class. We had to do a review of the "Echo Times" school newspaper for extra credit. Hope y'all enjoy!


I’ll start off this review of my school’s glorious newspaper by saying this: I avoid this newspaper. I’m not ashamed to say it, but I just don’t like it that much. After having read a few editions a few years back and having been ousted from having my opinions in their paper, and even having asked a writer of the newspaper his opinion of the paper, I’m pretty sure that the paper or whoever edits it has an agenda that doesn’t quite agree with me. Note, however, that all of the above happened in 2004 and even though I’ve forgiven for these petty issues, I have not forgotten them. Thus, I could only read it again if there was money offered or extra credit offered for a class just for reading and reviewing it. That’s why I read it again now, and I don’t think I missed much in my time of not reading it.

First off, we have the big bad news front page headline “Academic Senate Revolts – What happens when COM’s faculty quarrels?” Intriguing and, for the most part, a well written article. This kind of news story, though, makes me feel a tad embarrassed to be going to this college. It seems that there’s some commotion among the faculty with the newest office members on board. So how do they deal with their frustration? Let’s see the actual article itself:

“The August 24 election has led to an outburst of Internet insults and name-calling between the two sides that fought for the leadership of the Senate. One COM instructor compared the ongoing fracas over election results to ‘fifth graders fighting on the playground.’”

A trend I’ve noticed in recent years is that where there are Democrats and elections, there always seems to be fighting over the results. Now I’m seeing that same trend among Democrats voting amongst themselves, assuming that they’re mostly Democratic because 99% of the people working here sure seem to be. Now, it’s come to schoolyard bullying. But I just absolutely love this next part. Hank Fearnley is a professor who I had twice for Political Sciences. We had many political quibs with each other all in the name of good taste and being gentlemen. He always had, and still does have, a respectable aura about himself, giving lectures in the style of a professional speaker and famous orator. But since I read the comment from him, I have to wonder if that train comes to a stop every once in a while. Hank doesn’t think our new Academic Senate Vice President, Patrick Kelly, is a good choice:

“In an e-mail posted on a COM faculty message board, political science instructor Hank Fearnley called Kelly’s reversal ‘truly disgusting’ and demanded that he ‘cut the self-righteous bullshit. No one is impressed.’”

Dost mine virgin ears deceive me? Did Hank, the ever proper and model professor, just lay the verbal smackdown on our new guy? Wowsers, I didn’t see that one coming! And it’s in print too. Rarely have I ever seen swearing in the paper. In the following paragraph, though, Kelly has gained some of my respect just by saying this:

“Kelly, in a same day response, railed against ‘angry, unfounded accusations based on absolutely no fact, paranoia and…conspiracy theories.’”

Anyone who says they’re against conspiracy theories as the kind categorized above gets a plus in my book. What they are, I’ll still have to hear for myself, though.

Anyhoo, stepping aside from the story about our faculty members acting like schoolboys, let’s take a look at how the schoolboys at the Echo Times staff arranged this article. Hmm, nice lead in from page one to page four and later to page five. There’s a major issues I have with one paragraph. The paragraph right before the big quote on page for ends with “I can’t be effective if I can’t be contronta-.” I can’t find the rest of the sentence anywhere near here. But it appears as though the paragraph after the big quote is fragmentized as well, starting with “to be suspicious and resentment toward the administration through spring and summer.” My guess is the folks at the Echo Times staff put that quote in later and forgot to properly reconstruct the graphs. Whoopsies! That one major goof-up though, in a mostly well-written article about how much the faculty here sucks. I give writer Lind Gallanter a B+.

The other big story here on the front page is a personal profile of a student who is sure to be one of COM’s finest: a crazy chicken man who lights himself on fire. Joe Carrol, an amateur filmmaker who is the subject of the article “Feathers fly for student filmmaker – COM student chases his dreams by being a ‘Jackass’”, likes dressing himself up in a chicken suit and catching himself on fire just to get it on camera for laughs on the Internet. Alright, I’ll buy that. I admit, I log onto Ebaumsworld.com frequently to find videos of people doing crazy stuff like that. The issue I have of putting this article on the front page is that it seems like it’s being put up there as something to be proud about. At least that’s how it comes across. To me, that seems rather bizarre. Why boast about having a student who performs stupid stunts just to categorize himself among the thousands of peons who already do this sort of thing?

And furthermore, how does this sort of interest kick off? Let’s see from the article itself:

“It all started when he (Carroll) received a video camera for his birthday and started taking it when he went out with friends. While in Las Vegas, Carroll and some high school buddies recorded themselves sloshing around ina hotel fountain off the main drag. Although they are all now permanently banned from the hotel, the video they took home with them will let the joke live on. The Vegas fountain wasn’t the only video that received attention from authorities.”

OK, so it all started when Adam bit the apple and suffered the consequences. Classic, except Adam didn’t quite learn. Because, dear reader, it gets juicier than that:

“Eleven police cars, a police boat and police helicopter responded to a call of a flaming chicken jumping into a river. ‘They told us later it cost $50,000 in man power” said Carrol, who has film interests other than roasted poultry.

“I got the camera and just started filming. I always liked the entertainment industry.” Along with public service announcements for his high school and Internetvideos, Carroll said his future lies in documentaries, where he’d like to travel and film on location.”

DANG! He’s got high hopes for a man who’s got a permanent stain on his record. Again, why are we doing a personal here glorifying someone who attracts police attention by dressing in a chicken suit and burning himself? Isn’t that kind of, yunno, stupid and dangerous? You can’t justify any of this, folks.

Page two of the newspaper and we finally find something of interest. By that, I mean “Piracy 101: The cost of illegal downloading and file-sharing” by Diane Smiroldo. I say this because piracy has been a favorite issue of mine since high school. As a young man of twelve or thirteen, I was introduced to the wide world of MP3 downloading in a time where such a feat could hardly be accomplished on a 56k modem. In high school, I stumbled across pirating movies online when I looked for clips of the film “Stuart Little” online. Before long, I was going onto FTP sites downloading countless movies. Nowadays, I’ve noticed pirating has become much smarter and complex, although I have actually now cut down majorly on downloading MP3s and instead relied on Itunes and Wal-Mart now that I can pay for my music. Trouble is though, there are some songs that are rare enough that I can’t find them in either place. On those rare occasions, I turn to the ever popular Emule for compensation. So I guess you could say that I’m a recovering piracy addict.

So now, about this article. I’ve read the sort of info before. I know all about the rules. Except for the part where he mentions purchasing things on online auction sites as being illegal. If that were true, I think Ebay would be long gone by now. Now he says that borrowing disks from friends fits into the illegal category as well. Everything we do is stealing basically. I think that’s a bit extreme. Here’s why I justify my piracy though. In the past three years, I’ve given more to the industries than I ever have in my life. I can’t count the number of movies I’ve been to see in the theatres. I can’t count the number of songs I’ve legally obtained from online stores like Itunes and Wal-Mart. But with all the movies I want to see, I can’t afford to see them all, let alone get access to them. So why not download stuff you can’t get any other way, especially if you’re just going to watch it once and delete it?

A lot of the movies I’ve seen online, I wouldn’t pay a cent for in the theatres. I felt screwed over royally as I sat through pirated copies of “Scooby Doo”, “Garfield: The Movie,” The “Masters of Horror” film series and pretty much every episode of “The Outer Limits.” Why would I pay for something I hate? I have just as much expectations of greatness for those movies as I have most others. Are you saying that it’s a good thing that I paid for “The Cat In The Hat,” “The Shaggy Dog” with Tim Allen, “Are We There Yet?,” “The Bourne Supremacy,” “Scary Movie 3,” and every other piece of crap I’ve seen these past three years? Are you saying that I shouldn’t download “Dune,” even though it’s not available in my local video store? Are you saying that I should pay a hundred dollar or so fine or do time in jail for watching any given cartoon movie that I would have put the usual ONE dollar it’s worth up if I could have? I can’t agree to that. And furthermore, they can shut down these sites and programs as much as they want, but they’re not going to stop piracy.

Thanks to piracy, I got to see “Rent,” a movie which I would not have gotten to see otherwise. And you know what? I loved it so much that I put it on my birthday list and got a copy of it just over the summer. I gave back. You cannot deny this.

Well, I got completely off track there. I believe I was reviewing a school paper, right? Yeah, well-written editorial. Just disagreeable.

You want a story that’s good in this newspaper? Turn to the very last page and you’ll find a story about a COM dancer who has his sights on great horizons. He’s appearing in a show at the College this semester. He’s trained in modern dancing long and hard for the past year and he’s ready for some intense ballet, jazz style and circus arts. He’s even ready to try out for “Cirque Du Soleil” and “Cirque Eloise.” You know what? I like dancing. It’s good exercise and it should be encouraged. All kinds, in fact. It’s also a good escape from the everyday hustle and bustle and a chance for individual self expression if utilized correctly. I think I’ll be going to see something like this. It sounds like fun.

In conclusion, I must say this. What kind of newspaper focuses mostly on bad news and glorifying immorality on it’s front page? Why is it that I read an inspiring and fun story in the back of the paper and the story of a crazy man on the front page? Does Mr. Dougan, the beloved professor of my Journalism class wonder at all at this point why I usually pay no attention to the school newspaper? I guess not. In short, I think the paper needs serious repair in many areas.